1.8: Director McHatton
While everyone else was scared to talk to the three children, Metalmouth approached them, “Hello, have you seen any metal around here? I can build things. I kinda like to keep my hands busy, especially when I’m nervous. I’m Metalmouth by the way. I used to chew on metal when I was a child, so that’s why my mother named me that,” chattered Metalmouth.
Sammoth replied nervously, as he realized he was talking to a notorious criminal of efficiency, “I’m Sammoth and this is Mag. We’re both 13 years old. We’re best friends, but we get in trouble a lot.”
Mag, also realizing that they were surrounded by desperate gangsters, tried his best to sound like one of them, “Do you have any toilet paper? Me and Sammoth are pranksters. We like to play with toilet paper.”
Metalmouth seemed confused by this request.
Just then, one of the Gnome Resources officers clanged a loud pan and shouted, “Alright you slackers and thieves, its time to punch into your shift! I hope you’re all ready to earn your yum-yums! Presenting your senior manager, and the one who gets to decide if you’re worth keeping in this utopia of efficiency: the Director for Efficiency Recovery and Gnome Resources for all of Batch Productopia, and winner of last year’s District Restructuring Simulation, Director McHatton.”
With that announcement, Director McHatton stepped forward and addressed the silent crowd of condemned.
McHatton was a tall gnome with a very fancy mustache. He stood for a moment without saying a word. Behind him were a group of Gnome Resources Junior Managers, all of whom seemed as nervous as the criminals they were managing.
After pausing for a full minute, McHatton cleared his throat for another thirty seconds before he spoke in a raspy and deep voice,
“So, each of you, for your own reasons, has found yourself in the shameful and unenviable position of Efficiency Recovery. As you are all aware, those who continue to insist on not conforming, experimenting during work hours, or shirking, will be labeled a malfunctioning asset, and be cast out of the safety and honor of Batch Productopia forever.” McHatton shuddered at the term “shirking” as though it burned coming out of his throat.
He continued his announcement after another long pause and another cycle of throat clearing, “After all, as the Principles of Efficiency state, ‘there is no room in an effective process for rework’. Now, I am sure you are all eager to prove yourselves. Here at Efficiency Recovery we volunteer for the duties that are considered too dangerous or unwanted for our primary workforce. But as is written in the Principles of Efficiency, ‘seek opportunity in all things.’ Each of you will be assigned a chore and each group will be assigned a junior manager. Good luck, and I hope to see each of you on the assembly line, years from now, fully-reformed and productive, members of our great society.”